Solitude is Fiesta

Being alone is something I thought I could never comprehend. I have always wished and imagined myself in togetherness. With family, with friends, with colleagues, with classmates, with this, with that. That always told me one definite thing. People who are alone are either not social enough or not worth socializing with.

But that was me a long time back. Now, when I sit alone and reflect upon myself my life and moments i have lived or just spent, I get to know a lot more being alone than being with people. I have a lot more to crystallize, a lot more than I thought I would ever have to think about. To put what I feel is a cognitive dissonance or a perpetual dilemma. To be or not to be. When I am alone, I want to be with people so that I get to know them better and I can think about them in Solitude. When I am with people, I want to be alone to analyze what I feel or think about them.

Well, quite foolish of me trying to figure out things which hardly make sense. But then that is what life is all about. Man, through the eyes of reason, has since the day of formation has been looking for the answers to the three basic questions as stated in Vedas;
Who am I? (Ko ham)
Where have I come from? (Kuto Ayata)
Why am I here? What is my purpose? (Kim uddeshyam)

So, if I am not content with the amount of knowledge, or for that sake type of knowledge I have, I believe its nothing more than the age old human tendency to look for meaning wherever there is confusion. This is fairly similar to looking for shapes in the otherwise random skies or looking for a pattern in an otherwise incoherently occurring incidences.

I don't know if I would ever be able to complete this quest for the self, solitude and togetherness. It looks as unlikely as finding a solution to the time-gravity equation. But that fact is surely not disparaging enough for me to stop looking for answers.

After all, as they say, Life is Confusion.